Monday, September 24, 2007

What Happened Here?

I'm gone five months and the whole show falls apart. Saturday (the 9th) was the last Misshapes ever. Mr. Black was shuttered indefinitely after a drug raid three weeks ago. Chumley's has become an ugly construction site. Eastern Bloc is full of dancing queens. Condomania is dead. Rafaella (the one on 7th) is gone. The bestest deli ever and the site of so much late night joy blew away. Marc Jacobs just opened his third fucking (stupid, pretentious, annoying, gumboot-ridden, aesthetically irritating, brainless WASP without-a-clue attracting) store on the same West Village block. That theater by Bedford St closed down. My favorite Thai place practically doubled their prices in six months - is Manhattan sinking?? It all came to a head while walking up Bleecker Street yesterday. Mrs Upper East Side (who probably now lives in some fabulous 2,500 sqft loft along Eleventh Avenue with a manual elevator and a pressed-tin roof) called to her darling changelings - oh look, they're opening a Coach store, isn't that marvelous? The kids were eight or ten or something and they all seemed positively delighted. $3,000 handbags! Yay! Never mind that I now have to walk all the way over to the Seventh Avenue just to buy striped fluorescent green condoms. Is she the reason my neighborhood is dying? Reminds me of when my then five-year-old overindulged and severely under-loved half-brother shouted at me from his waterfront bedroom to take notice of his brand new Birkenstocks and told me that he adores my Diesel jeans. As in, he actually used the words 'Birkenstock' and 'Diesel'. Yuk and yuk. He was five for fuck's sake. I can't wait till I'm old and crazy looking. I'll be the guy standing outside Corner Bistro (which by then will probably be a cute little Miu Miu outlet with exposed brick walls and the original neon 'Corner Bistro' sign hanging behind the cash register) shouting about how the Village used to be back in the day and hitting people with a sharp stick. Or at the very least just hitting people with a sharp stick and mumbling something about Jesus.

13 comments:

Steven said...

Nothing ever changes where I live. Must be because I live in the ghetto.

Dennis NZ said...

There's alway Roxy night at SPNY on Saturday. I hear it's worth the cover.

P.S. Was your dog and boyfriend happy to see you?

Random Thinker said...

how the hell are you ever gonna snag Nate if you are not label conscious like your little brother?

ewe said...

Do you need a hug?

kirstin said...

This is my favorite post of all time.

Miguel Murphy said...

I absoFUCKing LOVE you for this post.. . color me street corner crazy.. .

Miguel Murphy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Ari said...

Awesome observations on the lame-ass decline of our city. I totally agree! Not to mention my old neighborhood of Fort Greene turning into Stroller Brigade Central (in Park Slope's footsteps).

You must find the "fabulous and fun!" line oustide of Magnolia as enjoyable as routine ball-waxing sessions.

Heads-up...if you eat falafel (who doesn't, really?)...check out Taim on Waverly/7th Ave South. The food rocks and their prices are definitely reasonable. Hopefully they won't get eaten by yet another Starbucks.

Thanks for the great blog!

peter said...

seems to be happening everywhere, not only your neighborhood. Laguna Beach where I'm from has gone from gay mecca to nouveau riche straight mess. West Hollywood's bar's are going mixed and changing for the worst. In the Castro in Sf baby strollers are around. I guess we got what we wanted, assimilation. I suppose the secret to life is adapting to change. Now, give me back a good old gay ghetto!

Anonymous said...

new york city is a city of change. always has been. that is what makes it exciting (though coach bags aren't as quite) & always fresh.

otherwise, it would be des moines.

Nathan said...

not to mention the death of the blue mill. anyone remember $5 burger and a PBR deal in the winter of 2005? or the cute gays who used to hang around the bar late night?

Anonymous said...

The West Village jumped the shark years ago. It still looks sort of like the Village (if you don't mind everything all painted and pretty and unctuously charming), but anything resembling authenticity or originality was leeched out by Wall Street money well before the millennium. What's disappearing now are the last holdouts (I was depressed for days after seeing the kind of crowd that populates the White Horse Tavern nowadays--they might as well sponsor pledge weeks). Soon, they'll be able to unveil the area's true new signage: West Village Mall and Condo Complex.

Anonymous said...

honey, it was over before you got here.